Becoming More Carefree in the Kitchen

I think back to when I was making Parker House Rolls with my dad last Christmas. We were rolling out the dough, preparing to mold them into what would make them the signature Omni Parker House Rolls and I was so worried about messing up the shape, rolling them out perfectly. Eventually, my dad just looked at me and said something like “they’re just rolls, they don’t have to be perfect”.

In cooking and baking, I think what I’ve defined as “perfect” for myself is employing the right techniques for different parts of a recipe and then actually using those techniques in the right way. It’s getting the fried rice to that perfect crispy state that only Chinese restaurants know how to master, and being upset when my homemade fried rice lacks that crave-able restaurant quality.

It’s baking an apple pie, but then realizing after it cools and you cut into it, the bottom crust is completely soggy, and wishing I had known the right thing to do to prevent that. Great, the pie is ruined – I’d probably say.

However, in having that mindset, I take away the thing that I truly love about food: experimenting with different dishes, being creative, showcasing my personality in the whatever I’m making. When I let myself get so obsessed over something going perfectly, I ruin the thing that I love. As cliché as it sounds, I’m my own worst enemy.

So how do I change this? Before the pandemic when I was working three jobs, I just didn’t have time to go through this thought process, or rather, I didn’t let myself. Most of the times when I was cooking I was just focused on getting the meal done. I’m disappointed that I didn’t have more time to really enjoy what I was making. I didn’t have much room to experiment, maybe fail, and learn from that. It was me making dinner, maybe getting frustrated thinking I messed something up, but then rushing out the door without any time to think about what went wrong and how to improve next time.

Now, given the opportunity to focus more of my time and energy in the kitchen, and yes I have panicked and had my at moments of upset, but I’ve been able to put real thought into developing my own recipes and taking my own spin on other dishes. And when I do mess up, whether it’s a slightly soggy but still delicious apple pie, or sticky rice that’s just a little too sticky – when I do mess up it doesn’t stop at being upset at myself, I learn from it.

For me, food is the place I can be creative, really put my all in it. It’s a time for me during the day to focus on the task at hand and only that. It shouldn’t become something negative. Not everything is going to turn out perfect or as well as you may have hoped, but that’s all part of the process. And that’s why I love food and cooking – it’s the time you spend to get to that end result, and then being able to share that with those you love. My journey with all of this started with one of the people that I love the most: my dad. Watching him do something he truly enjoys (besides me, and okay mom and Madison too), but never letting the pressure of that take over. He never let himself put too much pressure on himself, and that’s what I began to learn from him. I don’t want to lose that part of myself that makes food and cooking so special to me.